the fitness center

what happened?

2005-01-31T16:17:00.000-05:00

what happened to this site? nobody likes to type on it...im going to start again but not today, not tomorrow, maybe wednesday...wednesdays are good days, i enjoy wednesdays, i like them, they like me...but all i ask is that you like them too...but yea, lets keep this baby going...

Just call me Emperor Koehler

2004-10-07T15:11:00.000-05:00

So I just took a "What famous leader are you?" quiz online, and guess who I am. Yea, guess you sons of bitches. I am Saddam Hussein. Great. I am just about the most hated person on Earth besides Hesson of course, but yea, I am a mother fucking terrorist. Great. A lot of people must like me. Yea, so it says "people who don't like you better like chemical weapons." so great, that is why so many people are nice to me, they are scared I am going to throw the black plague on their asses. I am a damn dictator. I might as well start taking over clemson and then south carolina. i will start calling myself jon koehler, the emperor of the united states like that crazy dude from san francisco did back in the 1800's. great, at least i am not hitler...hallocaust, here we come b/c i am going to be the leader. except ill just kill fat and ugly people. great. my life is great. i don't hide in the ground in barns. i don't do that. no i dont, dont say i do. why couldn't i have been someone like winston churchill. he is a good guy, well he was at least now that he is dead...but yea, i wouldn't have even minded being castro but yea, i get hussein. no wonder i cant get girls. who wants some dirty old iraqian? is that a word, iraqian? oh well...they look at me and say "damn, if i get close and then back away, he will bomb my ass...he will have me killed if i don't do what he says..." yea, thats why i cant get girls. not b/c of my puffy nipples....its b/c im a dirty old iraqian. damnit, dont you tell me my business. im bored. i actually did work today up until about 4 and now im bored. i only have about 20 more minutes here b/c this has taken 10 minutes. ill go take some more online quizzes. so long mothas

jon koehler

the dip in life -- me

2004-10-06T12:55:00.000-05:00

so i read what koehler has to say about me, and how i've hit the rough spot of my long life...and i've to say he's right. i'm a loser, a loner, a dork, a fool, a nut hanging baffoon who drinks too much beer from the tube of a funnel, who looks forward to the brighter days in life when i win 50-25 rather than lose in a similar manner...i'm a nothing with nowhere to go and no directions to get there...i've got everything at my fingertips but i'm too lazy to reach up for it. i'm slacker who's started slacking off at slacking off...i do less now then when i did absolutely nothing which to say the least is very little at all...i eat all day, drink all night and find a little time in between to be merry...i see the glass as half empty and decide to drink it so i can crack open another...i find enjoyment in watching dogs hump towels...i eat hamburger helper and pasta roni for snacks and chips as a meal...i'm a certified clown as a profession...i love the classes that suck and hate the classes that should be fun...i shit in other people's toilets...i make sure to find time in each day to make sure that i catch up on how lazy i am and how boring my life is...i have a bar in my den and two guitars...i have a satellite box without a tv...i dream about cross country running trips and stealing tanks and getting put under citizen's arrest by thugs who just want me to get ass raped...i dream that i get chased by mountain lions and sleep in redneck's living rooms...i've been spat on, had beer cans thrown at me, and all other sorts of other paraphenalia hurled my way...i watch the news every day to see whether bonds hit another homerun, whether clemson's going to lose by 15 or 20, to find out who's in first place...i couldn't tell you what's happened in iraq or when the next hurricane will hit...i strive hard to do nothing and i succeed in great form...i pick on sterotypes rather than the people...i laugh at jokes that aren't funny and laugh at jokes at are funny...i do everything and nothing all at once to see whether or not it's possible...i'm in love with someone...i hate other people...and most people i just don't care about...i'm a loser, a loner, a dork, a fool, a nut hanging baffoon who drinks too much beer from the tube of a funnel, who looks forward to the brighter days in life when i win 50-25 rather than lose in a similar manner...i'm peach...i'm at a low spot in my life...but at least i know it

What? no! no, no, no...

2004-10-06T10:57:00.000-05:00

First of all, i just want to say--this isn't a message board. This is not where you come up with a question to be answered, just ask...don't go and type it on here! If you want some FAQ's (yea, I said it...i used computer lingo) answered, i think there is some site you can go to and get those answered...but that site's address has nothing to do with a fitness center and it does not have my name or matts or hessys or chris mortons on it...it has something to do w/ jedis and video games. b/c i can tell you that i know when i get home guillermo (or possibly matt) will ask me if i want to go somewhere for spring break. this in turn defeats the entire purpose of guillermo taking time to type out the question on this thing. if you are lost and dont understand let me explain some more--you are stupid so leave...1) guillermo types on here hoping we will see 2) wondering if we see, he asks 3) we definitely know about it since he asks so he could completely skip step 1...correct? yes, it is...so before anyone else thinks about typing anything else on here ask yourself this question: does this entry that i am about to type make any sense and have any value what so ever to my roommates? b/c if the answer is yes, then dont type it! just ask us or mention it to us while at home later on in the day. our name is not the pi-rates, we arent like those kids...we are strange and no one seems to get us, so this is where we let people try to understand us...well, actually that is not our goal (i really dont even know our goal to be honest) but it could be if we wanted it to be b/c i know i am strange and a lot of people dont get me so they can try to from these mindless ramblings that i do while sitting here bored as hell at work. and oh yea, there aint none of that fang-dangled european nonsense language to be used on here...i just speak the new found language of american, so you keep it to that...and i do want to thank my good friend hessy for translating for us. he is a good man, and sure that koehler kid weird, but i dont think the last post was all that confusing. i understood it and i even typed it, you colombian bastard. heres one for you in my language-- fuck you bitch motha. could you please translate that for me hesson? thanks. im out b/c i gotta go get some lunch. so long

Dios Mio man...

2004-10-06T09:28:00.000-05:00

First I want to see that I have no idea what that last post was about. Yo piense que las persona que lo escribio es un poquito loco oh tiene problemas mentales. No pude entender casi nada de lo que dijo. Pero bueno, I was just talking to matt and we would thinking of going some place for spring break. Would anyone else want to go and do they have a suggestion of were to go.

The Dip in Life--Matt

2004-10-05T08:48:00.000-05:00

so im working right now...not really doing much, which is the usual and im sitting here thinking and im thinking about how i left the house today and matts window to his car on the front passenger side door was down...and im sitting here thinking--well, i can understand a back window being down b/c i have done that b/c sometimes you roll up all your windows and then you get out and realized you thought you were holding the back window roller upper thing but evidently you werent b/c the window is still down...i also can understand leaving the two front windows or the two back windows down just a crack b/c you thought you had rolled them up all the way but seemed to accidentally leave them down a little...but now here is my question? how can you accidentally just leave your entire passenger side window down and nothing else? there are 3 possible choices in my mind: 1) your window broke--that is legitimate b/c stuff breaks and hell, did you see my car window until the other week? 2) you were completely just out of it--understandable but for this instance just b/c i hate you, not acceptable you moron and then there is 3) this im not at liberty to discuss b/c i dont know who reads this but if you left after i went to bed--NO! what are you thinking? bad matt--thats all i have to say...my footsteps are bad (and same w/ chris mortons footsteps...im sure he has beaten the trail of stupidity and stubbornness before many a times as well but i could be incorrect so dont go making assumptions, you hear me? i dont think guillermo and hessy have except for dipping their toes in once or twice--smart kids, they will be our future...they will be our presidents, our bankers, our doctors, our biochemists, our high school history teachers that stare at the girls and little boys in the locker room and then invite them for sleep overs; these children are our future...love them, hug them, and most of all--make fun of them b/c look at them, they deserve it...) but back to my discussion...i have a friend matt whose name must be kept confidential but he is half korean and i would like to mention a quote from him about how he has learned many a tales from life--his quote says "man, jon, i have learned many a tales from life..." now read this quote w/ all your heart and mind matt b/c he is korean (they are kind of close to china and chinese people have people like confucious...) and learn from this quote. breathe in the wisdom and love life b/c you dont want some crazy black guy singing korean loves songs to you while some big dude steals your ham from you in the tv lounge, do you? b/c i know someone who has had that happen to him and he has learned many a tales from life...you should hear him speak, when he speaks...people listen just like how people did when billy shakespeare wrote a whole lot o' sonnets. i dont know why i am writing this matt--i guess i care, i guess i love, i guess i actually really just plain ol despise you, but hey...you keep that chin up, dont frown, stop it...im telling you, you too can turn around...you too can learn to just use the university village as an overnight parking lot b/c i have many a times b/c now a days you can just walk home and trust me, i know, its actually an enjoyable walk and i always come back and they treat my car so nice...no one touches it, even when it stays there for almost 24 hours--in fact, people seem to enjoy calling you the next day and telling you where your car is or telling you that they think its funny that your car is still there and its almost 6 oclock in the evening on a sunday....give these people meaning in life--let them live, let them breathe, they are good people--they are our friends...we just need to sit back and observe life. sure we can do this while listening to lfo and eddie money but we should do this while listening to these talented musicians in a home cd player, i have a 5 disc cd player...we can listen to hours of good music and never even have to get up--these are the trials of life b/c i know jammin to john fogerty and not ccr is quite fun to do while driving around in a pimp mobile but imagine hardcore dancing like a karate master in the hallway? now thats something you cant do in a car...that is a good time, that is what makes men smile and women flash these men...well, maybe the flashing makes men smile or maybe it doesnt b/c not all men like women, some like other men, you better not be one of those men or i might have to get a lock on my door...you better not actually come in one night and sit next to my bed until i wake up and then make me get out of bed and sit on the futon for an hour and then go back to bed like how i thought you did the other night--speaking of that, are you sure you werent there? b/c i could have sworn you were and i actually did talk to someone (maybe they didnt speak back but i did talk and i did sit there for an hour b/c i was so convinced you told me to...but yea, you sure you didnt?) but back to what i was saying...lets just have a good time and make 500 people dinner...this is all i ask; my name is jon koehler and i have seen the light--in fact, i have seen many, i can look up at the ceiling right now and i count about 27 or so...you look up and see the light and we will hold hands and rejoice while singing kiss me by sixpence none the richer to hessy and his good friend greg schwindalbaumerhammanstein. all i ask is that i get to sleep on the left side of the bed when the night has come to a close b/c this side is where i feel comfortable, this side is where your mom made me sleep last night, this side is the side for winners...and i, jon koehler, am a winner. you stay clean and dont do drugs except for that allegra and mylanta and we will talk later on in the evening. so long mothas (not pronounced mo-tas by the way: you crazy foreign kids and your crazy accents and crazy ways of making love...)

ps- i just made like $16 for writing this, is that not cooler than you or what? bitches...dirty pop and some cheez-its for us all

damn, im weird...but hey, who isnt?

just an idea

2004-10-03T22:34:00.000-05:00

i was thinking we could have a huge ass, 32 person, $10 poker game in one of the upcoming weekends...comment away bitches

Am I not cool enough?

2004-09-30T07:26:00.000-05:00

So all that I am wondering this lovely morning is why is my name not under "the crew?" i joined your little thing and ll i wanted was to have my name "koehler" under the lis of members...buts as ofnow, its not. what should i do about that? i really dont have anything to type so im not even making anyone crack a smile--sorry i apologize, nore more will i waste anyones time. im pitiful--kick my ass please. thats all i ask

here is something i you will all enjoy though (i know matt and hessy did...)

well crap, i dont know how to include a picture...if i figure it out, ill put it here--and again, another reason to beat me up...damnit and according to matt, my nut sack is looking quite nice

shotgun rules

2004-09-29T17:14:00.000-05:00

check out this piece of shit...these are worst excuses for shotgun rules ever. so i've decided that once a week i'll look at one of these so-called "official rules" and break them down to what they really are: official crap.

the rule
Section 1-4:Early calls are strictly prohibited. All occupants of the vehicle (including the driver) must be outside of the building and directly on the way to the vehicle before shotgun may be called. Under no circumstances may a person call shotgun inside a building. For sake of simplicity, a garage is considered to be outside. Parking structures and detached garages are always considered as being outdoors, even if they are underground.

the break down
this is inane bullshit. so the basis of this rule stands true--you simply can't make a call too early (i.e. 30 minutes before you leave, a week prior to a road trip). but declaring that you must be outside along with every other passenger in the car to call shot is utter crap. it's been a long debated issue as to whether you have to be outside to call shotgun and probably won't be resolved ever, so why the fuck are you going to try and say in an "official rule" that you must be? i didn't vote on this horse shit, neither did you, so fuck this rule, it's out. by the way--group projects are gay...especially with shotgun, so let's drop that shit also. to say that everyone's got to be outside is overdoing it just a little bit, don't you think?

the rule
Section 1-4: In the instance that one of the passengers may become so ill during the course of the journey that the other occupants feel he/she will toss their cookies, then the ill person should be given Shotgun to make appropriate use of the window.

the break down:
i don't know about you, but i'm not giving shotgun to any piece of shit who's too sick to sit in the back seat. there are reasons the middle seat is called "bitch seat", and sick people are one of them. i hate all of you weakly immune bitches. go take some tylenol and stay home from school...cause as far as i'm concerned, your bitch ass can walk home.

like i said...all of theses rules are either fucking riduculous or unnecessary. i'm gonna go now--retards make my head hurt.

the fitness center

2004-09-29T01:00:00.000-05:00

everyone used to love my webpage...but quite frankly, i got tired of keeping up with it. and it was too much work to get everyone to help out with it by sending in rants and bitches of their own...so i've now decided to just start a house page so that each of these bitch asses i live with can have an opportunity to do what i do best...bitch and bull shit. so with that being said, welcome to the fitness center. by the way...koehler's finally growing sack.